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“Do you need a standing ovation to know you’ve done a good job?” I had come out of a high-stakes, day long meeting and was fretting over whether it had gone well. All the participants said it had. The feedback at the end of the day was glowing – it had exceeded expectations. And yet… My brain, as usual went into overdrive the minute I was out the door: Why hadn’t I done this? Why on earth had I said that? And what about all my plans for x, y, z, that had gone clean out of my head the minute we started? Disaster. And so it began: the re-writing of history, the whataboutery of missed opportunity and the ever so exhausting postmortem of every step until the final story is not one of exceeded expectations but of near total failure. My husband’s question as he tried to talk me down from my perch of doom on the train home was a good one. What would I need to be convinced that the thing had gone well? Would I ever believe it, or was it safer here in my cave of self-criticism, because at least here I wouldn’t get complacent or too big for my boots? At least here, no-one could hurt me (well, not more than I was already hurting myself). I once read that one of the defining features of being an extrovert – of thinking out loud and getting your energy from debate and interaction with others – is that we tend to then regret what we’ve ‘blurted out’.  I certainly recognise this in myself.  Another thing I notice is that when I’m in full flow, I’m not particularly conscious of what I’m doing – it’s like I’m on autopilot. This is all well and good if you can trust the navigation system, but what if there are things about it that you want to shift (like listening more or having the courage to challenge)? You’re in your grove and all good intentions seem to fall by the wayside, leaving only regret when you wake from the dream. So on that train home I did what I’ve worked out with my coach is one good way to calm my critical mind: I went back to the list I had made myself before the event of my minimum expectations. These are the absolute essentials that I define beforehand, the critical things that I will hold myself accountable for on this day. And I wrote it down (because writing does make it more real than just thinking it): ✅Had I been on time and run to schedule? Check ✅Had I created a space where everyone could contribute? Check ✅Had I listened well? Check ✅Had I worked in service of the team and their goals? Check ✅Had it been stimulating, interesting and fun? Check, check, check No, it hadn’t been perfect. I had missed things and looking back now I had new ideas about what I might have done in response to certain comments or moments. But I decide to accept what is, not just because I don’t have a time machine, but because it’s all learning. And I recognise that it’s not all down to me and that there aren’t any ‘right answers’ anyway. Maybe I could have been more challenging, but maybe the group wasn’t ready for it. Maybe I could have run things differently, but maybe then I would have regretted not doing the things we did do. Having my minimum expectations grounds me while also allowing the learning to come through with a sense of possibility for the future, not as stick to beat myself with. Next time I can incorporate the ‘even better ifs’ into my list before we start. 📈 Assuming we’re not going to start giving each other standing ovations at the end of our meetings, what do you do to help yourself recognise the good and not over think it?