{"id":1733,"date":"2024-02-20T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-02-20T09:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cmjstrategies.com\/website_9e304ce3\/the-final-countdown\/"},"modified":"2024-12-05T09:51:47","modified_gmt":"2024-12-05T09:51:47","slug":"the-final-countdown","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cmjstrategies.com\/es\/the-final-countdown\/","title":{"rendered":"The final countdown"},"content":{"rendered":"

Last year I shared five of my top 10 leadership themes from 20<\/a>23<\/a> –  the \u201cTop of the Pops\u201d insights that came up most often and resonated most deeply with the leaders and teams I coach. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As promised, here\u2019s the final countdown: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

5\ufe0f\u20e3 Courage, not confidence: I\u2019m indebted to Dr Rebecca Newton for this insight in her book Authentic Gravitas. Leaders often bring what look like \u201cconfidence\u201d issues to coaching: I want to have confidence to say no, to ask for something, to challenge the status quo, to present my ideas … the list goes on.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But as we explore the situation, it’s worth reminding ourselves that confidence tends to come after we\u2019ve done something, because by then we know – we have the proof – that we can do it (and that the world didn\u2019t collapse as a result). So, what we really need first is the courage to have a go.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4\ufe0f\u20e3 Open questions (not advice): we love to give advice; it makes us feel valued. We even love to ask for it because of the connection it creates between us. And yet it\u2019s often not that helpful: we offer our suggestions based on a very partial understanding of the context and get into a back-and-forth of \u201cYes I tried that, but\u2026\u201d because no one outside knows the full story or quite gets the complexity and nuance of the situation. That\u2019s why asking open questions is a far more powerful way of helping someone<\/a> think through a problem they\u2019re facing and come up with their own solutions: \u201cWhat could you try?\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019s getting the way?\u201d \u201cWho could help you?\u201d \u201cWhat are you afraid of?\u201d. I\u2019ve seen this vividly in action this year working with many action-learning groups on complex leadership and implementation challenges. Powerful questions from peers have enabled them to make profound shifts in what they do, what they learn, and the impact they have.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3\ufe0f\u20e3 Stories we tell ourselves: sometimes we leap from the situation in front of us to a conclusion that can look rather strange to others. We tell ourselves a story about what just happened that is out of proportion with the facts. My favourite illustration of this is Jennifer Garvey Berger\u2019s example of, “I ask my kid to put his sneakers away every day, so when he leaves them in the hallway yet again it shows he doesn\u2019t love, respect or care about me”. Suddenly I\u2019m yelling (or crying) in a way that sneakers left in hallways just don’t merit. This escalation is based on a story we\u2019ve told ourselves \u2013 sometimes in a split second. And it\u2019s a story that we don\u2019t have to believe. In coaching, leaders have the chance to play back in slow motion, to unpack these stories and to unhook themselves from them. Next time you have a strong reaction to something, ask yourself, “What story am I telling myself\u00a0 – and is it true?”.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2\ufe0f\u20e3\u00a0Getting out of the drama: \u201cIt\u2019s so unfair, I didn\u2019t have the right team or resources, they set me up to fail\u201d… or maybe it goes something more like this: \u201cI should have acted differently, it\u2019s my fault, I should have known that they couldn\u2019t be trusted.\u201d Or even, \u201cWell, I just had to step in and sort it all out. It was a total mess and only I could fix it.” Victim. Villain. Hero. A drama in which everyone is pointing fingers at others – or themselves – blaming, shaming, rescuing. If you hear yourself or others using this kind of language – language that may sound more like\u00a0Hollywood cliche or a children’s book – then you know you may have been sucked into the drama. So how can we avoid the triggers that trip us into this Bermuda triangle where we lose our sense of ourselves, our curiosity and our compassion? Just naming it as a drama can help us step out of it and allow us to see the situation with a fresh, more grounded perspective. Breathe deeply and reset. There may still be conflict, but you\u2019ll be the grown up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\ud83e\udd47Immunity to change: have you ever tried to change something about yourself and found that you keep failing to make the shift you say you\u2019re committed to? You can see all the reasons why the change matters, and you know what steps you could take to make it happen, and yet you just don\u2019t do it. This is our immunity to change<\/a> in action; when our hidden commitments, assumptions and beliefs stop us making changes we say we want. So, I might have a fierce desire for more balance between my work and home life and yet consistently take on additional work and break the boundary rules I set for myself (meetings in the evening, checking emails at the weekend). Underneath it all is a hidden belief that if I don\u2019t prioritise work I won\u2019t feel valued and respected \u2013 a powerful assumption that, just like my immune system, kicks in automatically whenever it detects a threat. Coaching to discover these commitments – and then working through them with real-life exercises to prove to yourself that those assumptions aren\u2019t necessarily true – unlocks the potential to make the change you really want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If this has resonated and you\\’re interested in coaching for you or your team, do get in touch<\/a>. You can also sign up for news and updates from me here<\/a>.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Last year I started to share my top ten leadership coaching themes from 2023. Here are the final five \ud83e\udd41:<\/p>\n

\ud83d\udcaaCourage, not confidence.
\n\u2753Questions, not advice.
\n\ud83d\udcd6The stories we tell ourselves.
\n\ud83c\udfacGetting out of the drama
\n\ud83d\udc89Immunity to change.
\nWhat\\’s your biggest take-away from last year? <\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1939,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[36,26],"tags":[8,50],"class_list":["post-1733","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog","category-resources","tag-coaching","tag-leadership-tips"],"yoast_head":"\nThe final countdown - CMJ Strategies<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/cmjstrategies.com\/es\/the-final-countdown\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"es_ES\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The final countdown - CMJ Strategies\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Last year I started to share my top ten leadership coaching themes from 2023. 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