They were all laughing about something that I didn\u2019t understand. I asked someone to explain the reference and he looked at me slightly aghast. You don\u2019t know that book? Everyone knows that book.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I crumpled. Then my usual defences came up and I made some comment about how not all of us went to \u2018posh schools\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The reason why this instance sticks so sorely in my mind is because the chip on my shoulder got short shrift. He said that was no excuse, that I couldn\u2019t spend my life blaming my background and should take responsibility for what I didn\u2019t know and try to find out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In some ways, he was right. I may not have gone to private school, but I did make it to Oxford University, and no-one was stopping me from learning now. But it\u2019s also hard to know where to start. I had a wonderful childhood with incredibly supportive and loving parents who placed huge value on education – classic immigrant mentality driven by the idea of their children doing better than they did. But we didn\u2019t discuss literature at the dinner table. So where can I find that list of books that everyone should know?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is just one example of the ways in which social mobility can play out. You\u2019ve made your way up the ladder, but you don\u2019t feel secure. You\u2019re always ready for someone to knock you off that rung.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What did that mean for me during my career?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\ude36Learning to take on a vaguely blank smile during some conversations where you knew you didn\u2019t quite get what, or who, was being discussed but didn\u2019t want to let on<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\ude16A white-knuckle tendency to hold on to what you\u2019ve got with all your might. You made it and you must never, ever lose it: “Don\u2019t talk to me about learning from failure, I can\u2019t afford it”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83e\udd7aNot fitting in anywhere. At home you\u2019re no longer \u2018one of us\u2019 \u2013 your life is too different, you\u2019ve “gone posh”. And as you advance into leadership, you\u2019re less and less likely to find people who share your background<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve noticed these patterns in my coaching work, too. Very successful, socially mobile leaders feeling like they have to wear different masks depending on where they are and who they\u2019re with. They operate from a place of fear, guarding their position and achievement. They work ever harder – because that\u2019s what got me here – to fit in and hold on. It\u2019s exhausting. And it doesn\u2019t make for great leadership either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There\u2019s too much to say on how to address this, so for now a few small suggestions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udc40 If you\u2019re leading a team or organisation, pay attention to this aspect of the diversity and inclusion. It\u2019s less visible and isn\u2019t just about where people went to school. What are you doing to create an environment in which nobody has to wear a mask?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83e\ude9cIf you\u2019re navigating this yourself, find spaces where you can talk it out. This is especially important if it\u2019s getting in the way of your own growth and driving unhealthy habits. How can I face into the responsibility I feel and let go of the fear I have of sliding back down the ladder?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83c\udfcb\ufe0fBe careful with that chip on your shoulder. It\u2019s heavy and can get in the way of who you want to become. Acknowledge all the good things that your upbringing has given you but also feel able to hand back the things that don\u2019t serve you anymore. You can say “no thank you” without being ungrateful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I hope this resonates – it was a hard one to write.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I wore a mask work for a long time – I came from a different background and always felt at risk and out of place. How do we navigate this as leaders?<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4526,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[36],"tags":[8,9,43],"class_list":["post-4525","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog","tag-coaching","tag-leadership","tag-stepping-up"],"yoast_head":"\n