I love finding out random facts about things that are at odds with what we assume to be true, such as the idea that there’s very little evidence to prove that sugar makes children behave badly. I think that’s partly why I enjoyed working on strategy and implementation in government (apart from the whole ‘making a difference’ thing) – because we often discovered data and evidence that challenged the status quo and made everyone think twice about what would really work. I remember the nursery providers who tried charging parents extra for collecting their children late but instead of this solving the problem, they found parents just started turning up later and later because now they felt they had a choice.
This is probably also why one of my favorite questions to ask myself, and to encourage the people I coach to ask, is: ‘What do I believe and how could I be wrong?’ (credit Jennifer Garvey Berger). I’ve found stepping out of your deeply held assumptions about how the world works is never a waste of time. Try taking a situation and looking at it, even just for a moment, from another perspective. It can help you make sense of things that may appear baffling, infuriating or even threatening. And almost regardless of what you end up deciding to believe, it will probably also make you better at communicating and collaborating with those around you. A little more of that these days might not be a bad thing.
But there are risks. There’s a fine line between staying open to new arguments and getting lost in the debate; finding yourself going round in circles or flip-flopping, persuaded by the last person you spoke to. “Oh, get off the fence Claudine!” a colleague once said to me as we debated policy solutions to the achievement gap between poor children and their better off classmates. At the time I was mortified – he was more senior than me and always knew exactly where he stood on any issue. And to a certain extent he was right: questioning my assumptions sometimes left me lost in indecision (or exhausted with ruminating after the fact).
So how can we question our beliefs without losing ourselves?
👀Look for different voices. Review your networks and information sources and makes sure you’re not just listening to people who look and sound like you. We all know about getting out of our social media bubbles, but what about the people we spend our time with or go to for advice?
🤝Share your intention on this so that you give permission to those around you to challenge you. This can be tricky when you’re the leader as your team may defer to your views. So saying you don’t know, are unsure – or would simply like to be challenged on what you believe – can open up some interesting conversations as well as building psychological safety.
📽 Try to observe your own thinking either by slowing things down in the moment or reflecting afterwards: what made me agree with something in that meeting? What biases may have been at play? What do I believe here and how could I be wrong? (Oh, and so what?)
🛸 Stay grounded in the context. Your team won’t thank you if you start questioning everything at the 11th hour of a critical project. Do it where there is space and time and, if possible, signal what you’re doing to those around you.
I sometimes dream of going back to that meeting and standing up for my indecisive self – or at the very least not carrying the judgement that it’s always a weakness around with me for years afterwards. I realise now that my willingness to be wrong could actually be an advantage (except in matters relating to how to stack the dishwasher, of course 🤓). I’ve also heard it said that we can’t bring about change in others without being willing to change ourselves – I think that sounds true, but I’m open to alternatives.
For further reading on this try Think Again by Adam Grant and for re-vitalising your networks there are some great exercises in Herminia Ibarra’s Act Like a Leader, Think Like a Leader.
