“How are you?”
“I’m fine. How are you?”
“All good.”
How many times have you had that automatic, unthinking exchange this week? I’m fine. All good. When maybe that isn’t the full truth. When really it’s: “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed because I’m juggling all these things what with my deputy being on leave and my daughter starting at a new school, so today I feel like I’m running just to keep up but then I remind myself that I’ve got my health and things could be worse and really, none of it is life or death, so yeah. I’m fine.” That might be a bit much.
The other woefully superficial response I notice is “Thanks, that was great.” We even sign off our emails with that one word, “Thanks,” when often there isn’t really anything to thank anyone for, except perhaps the attention they might have given to our email.
So, ‘Thanks’ becomes as meaningless as the ‘How are you?’ exchange. Which is a shame and a risk given just how much recognition and positive feedback matter to engagement, performance and improvement.
What can we do instead?
🌍 Expand. Instead of just “Thanks” take the time to explain what it is you valued about what that person did or said, why that was important and what it showed you about who they are. So instead of “Thanks, that was a really helpful analysis” it might be “Thanks for that analysis. I found it helpful because it went beyond what we usually look at and brought new data to the table. We’ll make a better decision on the back of the work you did, and I can see it took extra effort. I appreciate the way you think differently about things and help me shift my perspective.”
📆Make it a routine. Build in regular time for giving and receiving positive feedback. Not one of those rotten ‘feedback sandwiches’ that everyone can smell a mile off. Just pure (and detailed) gratitude with no ifs or buts. Get curious about what it was that made something ‘thankable’ to help your team unpack what they’re doing when their best. What made that possible and how could we do more of it?
💝Practice on yourself. The benefits of a daily gratitude practice are well known. But how often do you list out the things that about you that you’re thankful for. If saying a detailed thank you to yourself feels weird, you could try an evening practice of ‘three things I’m proud of myself for’. Sometimes I do this as I’m drifting off to sleep to help clear my mind of worries or to do lists. It makes for better dreams too.
Thanks for reading, I appreciate your attention and time. I know it’s precious and I value that you chose to give 3 minutes of it to me.
