Vulnerability. As a leader, you can’t move for books, articles and training sessions telling you that this is what you need to succeed. Gone are the days of the heroic leader, gliding swan-like over turbulent waters, leading their team through the storm without a whimper (or a cry, a trumpet or a bugle – apparently those are the noises swans make). Vulnerability is positioned as critical for so many of the things we strive for as leaders. It’s key to generating the high performance and innovation promised by Psychological Safety as we show that it’s OK to be uncertain; to admit you don’t know or that you made a mistake. It’s essential for building trust because it paves the way for intimacy and deeper relationships. It’s a cornerstone of DEI efforts because we must own what we get wrong and learn to do better. But how do we find the strength to show our weakness? How do we judge when, how, and with whom, to be vulnerable? How do we know how much to share? And how do we move on after opening up in these ways?
Here are a few principles that I\’ve found helpful:
1. Be credible first. Moving straight to vulnerability before you’ve established your credibility is risky. Make clear what you bring – not just expertise and skill but also reliability and commitment. Do this alongside opening up on uncertainties or worries. This is important whether you\’re facing a fresh challenge as an established team or starting a new role. People will be reassured to know that you can swim and that you’re paddling furiously under the surface to move forward.
2. Commit to improvement. Hearing leaders say “I’m just not very good at x” isn’t being vulnerable. It’s excusing yourself from trying, from learning, and from developing – especially if you notice it becoming a refrain. Own your weakness but also own doing something about it. Enlisting the support of others to keep you accountable for improvement can have the dual benefit of enabling you to grow and sending a powerful signal about asking for help.
3. Don’t judge. If fear of judgement is something that holds you back from being vulnerable, one of the first people you need to seek understanding from is yourself. We\’re often our own harshest critics and most of the time we just need to be a little be kinder to ourselves. Feedforward is a great tool for this: simply saying what you want to get better at, and asking others to give you ideas and suggestions for what you could try. If you can master the art of not judging yourself, supporting others to become vulnerable will be a plain sailing … or swimming.
What has helped you? Please share your comments and suggestions. If you want to reflect more on this, here’s some further listening and reading:
- Adam Grant speaking to Brené Brown on what vulnerability isn\’t.
- Marshall Goldsmith on how to try Feedforward instead of Feedback
And in moments of doubt, remember the words of Leonard Cohen:
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That\’s how the light gets in
