Apparently this is where you’re supposed to start. Not with the what or the how but with the why. So here goes.
My Dad died when I was 14. He was 44. It was sudden – a heart attack after an impromptu game of tennis. Wimbledon was on the telly. A few years earlier he had taken us on a trip to Oxford University. As we walked around the cobbled streets he turned proudly to my grandmother who by then had come over from Turkey to live with us and said “one day one of my daughters will come here”. And so I did.
Fast forward to 2020, the year I’m turning 44. On paper everything looks good – a successful career in the Civil Service followed by an exciting move overseas bringing the opportunity to work with governments and purpose-driven organisations globally. Twenty-three years and counting with my soulmate and two hilarious, kind and beautiful boys. But something isn’t quite right. Things feel somehow misaligned. Yes, there are the ups and downs of any job: some people and days you love, some you don’t. And the pandemic, of course, bringing many of us to breaking point with our work and home lives colliding in ways we had never anticipated. But it isn’t just that.
So I worked with my coach to go deeper. I finally found the will to write myself a letter from the future – an exercise that had been on our radar for some time but which I had kept avoiding. I sat and imagined myself years from now, waving my children off to university – or wherever they may chose to go when that leaving comes. I start to write: telling myself what I’m proudest of having achieved in my work over the years. And to my astonishment, it’s not the big reforms of education or health systems, it’s not the high-level government negotiations working for Prime Ministers and global leaders. It’s not even the improvements in service quality that I hope have helped children and families in need have better lives. What comes out again and again is supporting individuals to develop and grow. The people I’ve managed, mentored or coached over the years so that they can go on to make their difference in the world. So that they can find purpose and joy in their work.
And that was it. I decided that focusing on my coaching work was the way to go. I realise now that this wasn’t a sudden revelation – it had been bubbling up for a long time. My moves in the Civil Service from pure strategy and policy towards large scale delivery roles were in part a reflection of wanting to lead and motivate people more than I wanted to stride through the corridors of power and political intrigue. Then the move into consulting allowed me to experiment with not being the one in the driving seat, and with supporting others to achieve their goals, not to mention an opportunity to learn the commercial skills I would need to set up my own business. Becoming a commissioner of leadership and management training and helping a start-up organisation build its People function from scratch were all mini excursions into a new career world. I had been exploring the territory from a place of relative safety before I decided exactly where I wanted to set up camp.
This is the approach that informs my work with people who come to me wanting career coaching. Sometimes they have a clear goal in mind – a shift in lifestyle, income or time management that they want to achieve – but aren’t sure how to get there. Often they are facing an opportunity – a promotion or a move – but they have doubts about whether it’s quite right or whether they can do it in a new way. It’s what’s expected, but will it give them what they need? I also work with people who feel stuck or somehow out of kilter, like I did back in 2020. They may have a nagging sense of ‘so, is this it?’ and want to take a step back to look at the territory, to find out what else might be out there, or what it is that’s inside them which is not being seen.
In all these cases, experimentation is key – what can I do to just try different things on? How can I test my assumptions about this or that role, or what’s possible for me? What small steps can I take towards my vision, building on what I already have? Coaching allows them to explore, to identify real options and take action. It provides a safe space to share that ‘just might’ wish we all have tucked away in a secret corner, afraid of bringing it out into the light in case it’s foolish or, worse still, impossible.
If any of this sounds like what you’re feeling as the year draws to close, get in touch with me. The first call is free and may be just what you need to get started on your next journey.
Further reading: for more on experimenting your way into a new career try Working Identity by Herminia Ibarra.
