I was overwhelmed at the end of last year. I wasn\’t ‘too busy’. I’ve been busy before and it’s been fine. Not particularly pleasant, but fine. When you’re busy you decide what really matters and you get on with getting the right stuff done. I’ve had some pretty big jobs in the past – lots of responsibility for people, services, public money. There were times when I was daunted, under pressure or uncertain. But I had never felt quite like this; quite so out of my depth; overwhelmed.
My journey over the past seven years has been from one of the most traditionally secure jobs on the planet – the civil service – to probably one of the most precarious: a sole trader building a business. It was something I thought I would never do after watching my parents suffer the ups and many downs of running their own business through multiple recessions. I’m proud of myself for taking the leap and sometimes I still can’t quite believe that I’ve done it.
Fast-forward two years and there are days when I can’t believe my luck. I’m doing exactly what I wanted to do – working with inspiring leaders all over the world whose passion and mission is to make a difference to the lives of others, to improve healthcare, education, justice… Every single coaching session I do feels like a privilege. I leave knowing that I made the right choice. That this is the work I’m going to be most proud of when I look back on my life.
But that’s not the whole picture. As any self-employed person will know, the anxiety about long-term security is never too distant, gnawing away at the joy. I’m not talking about a healthy dose of self-doubt here; the kind of humility that keeps you grounded, reflective, learning and striving. And I’m not talking about ‘imposter syndrome’ either – I’m able to believe people when they tell me the work we’re doing together is making a big difference to them. I’m talking about an underlying fear that, for reasons outside my control, it just might not last.
So, at the end of last year, I was overwhelmed. Realising that was the first important step. Accepting it as my current state, without letting it become my identity mattered too. This is the bit where I usually switch to a list of tips, instead I’ll just share what I’ve been doing and how it’s going:
🧱Finding support. Duh, obvious I know, but I was surprised to notice how much I was just trying to go it alone, not looking up and out for help. I’m now working with a friend to create a peer group for mutual support, have found a business mentor and am investing in other group learning. I now feel a sense of being scaffolded – having things to grab and pull myself up on.
💬Communicating. Sharing what I’m feeling, in part to help me make sense of it but also, it turns out, to find out how many people are feeling just the same. This also creates spaces to celebrate progress and success and to express gratitude – all key ingredients to feeling good about how things are going and right-sizing natural doubts about the future. This doesn’t always need to be with others – just getting into a five-minute journaling habit helps.
🎯Simplifying. In my case being overwhelmed finds its expression in trying to do too many things at once. So I put down three of the business books I was reading, switched off the podcasts on the morning dog walk and decided on the (very) short list of what I would do for that last 30 days of year. This has cleared the way for me to re-focus on what I really want from the year ahead and how I’ll know if I’m on track.
🧶Making. Identifying a few creative things I really love – apart from work – and committing to them. I\’ve been making jumpers. As well as forcing me to put my phone away in the evenings, I can get out of my own head for a bit and just focus on the stitches.
For me getting through this has been about tending to head, heart and hand. I’ve come to recognise that I’m still acting my way into being – after all, this kind of career shift, just like stepping up into leadership, demands that I let go of my old work identity and develop a new one. And that’s bound to feel strange, uncomfortable and overwhelming at first.
I think it’s working. The night before coming back to work after the holidays I didn’t feel dread or panic (and I was deeply grateful for that as I know so many people who do). Regular sessions with my new coach have already shifted my perspective and action. Spending time with peers to share our learning, our woes and aspirations is feeding my soul. Work with clients, old and new, is bringing learning and fulfilment. And I just feel a bit more like my old (or new) resilient self again.
Are you feeling overwhelmed? How do you spot it and what do you do?
